Friday, June 27
Wowzers. Today was super cool. I slept until like three, watched the tape of the musical thingy my choir put on in fifth grade and then went to another group therapy session!!! I like how Helen (my therapist) totally has the impression that I want to be there, or something, because I'm the only one who doesn't sit and complain about all the other things I could be doing. It's possible that I don't do that because I don't actually have anything else to do. Helen obviously does not understand super angsty teenagers like myself. But the bestest part of therapy was when she gave us paper and markers and told us to draw positive things about ourselves. It is obvious that the other girls have no creativity whatsoever since they drew puppies and money and then explained it with "well thought" statements such as "I really like how caring I am, which is why I drew a puppy, since, like, puppies are cute and, like, need to be cared for. And then I drew money because I'm like really generous and stuff. Like yea." It is also obvious that I am one tenth as creative as the other girls because I doodled for ten minutes and then realized that it looked like nothing at all. (Helen said she'd expected me to draw something abstract like that. I laughed forever on the inside) I told everyone that it showed how loyal I am. For some reason. The other bestest part was when Helen was telling us how hard it is for her to list positive traits about herself and I was like "well just make something up." She stopped smiling for the first time ever. I hope she doesn't think that I'm, like, not loyal and caring and sensitive like I said I am!!!
On the way home my dad was telling me about how he's cooking fish tonight and I have to eat it even though I hate fish. Then I grabbed the steering wheel and directed us towards a rather large tree. We died. God (that jerk) sent us back and is punishing me with eighty-one years as my dad's daughter. Damn.
Thursday, June 26
Gee, I really like living in a "family" where I never know which house I'll be sleeping at tomorrow.
Yesterday Mike came to my house and we had lots of fun. Not really. My house is boring. We had moderate amounts of fun. Then we rode bikes to Arend's house which is a billion (er, three) miles away. Mike and Arend played Sorry and Arend won TWICE so HAH MIKE. Of course, had I overcome my hatred for that game and played as well, I obviously would have won both times. Anyway. My mom totally lied to me when she said that I had to be home by 4:30 because she and Nora would be there, eating supper. I got there at 4:35 and no one else arrived until 5:00. Grrrrrr. Anyway, what's funny is that when they got there, I shot them both. In their legs, of course. Using my expert skills in the field of medicine, I doctored their wounds and they'll be fine. But now they know not to mess with me. I win.
This morning I had an orthodontist appointment. I totally had sex with my hot orthodontist who's like ninety years old. And then the new nurse joined in. I guess she didn't know about the rule that says no relationships (or sex) between employees. I hope she doesn't get fired. She was pretty attractive, for a woman.
Sleeping all day to avoid the pain in my teeth after my orthodontist appointment is the coolest thing ever. I win again.
Tuesday, June 24
My heroes/heroines (mostly alphabetically):
Arend - because of priceless Arthur music
Dulcey - because she swam topless in a river with Emily
Liss - because of something that came up after me being her heroine because of Minesweeper that I can't remember and something else that involves Arthur music
Mike - because he's awesome
Noelle - because of things that involve cemeteries
J.K. Rowling - because on page 459 of her newest book, she uses a DOUBLE CONTRACTION (wouldn't've) which I've always wondered about and now have SEEN for REALZZZ
Today I walked over here (my dad's house) because I had to sleep over there (my mom's house) since my dad is out of town. Because I'm an idiot and left my keys here (my dad's house) last night, I couldn't ride my bike since I couldn't unlock the little store room thing my bike is in. That's a long walk in a billion and three degree weather. Heh. For lack of keys once I got here (my dad's house) I had to climb over the fence, wading through all the ivy and stuff my dad planted, and come in through the back. That was really fun. Then I fed the fish. To do that, I catch insects (with my bare, callused hands) and rip them into tiny pieces to throw into the pond. Today I wasn't paying attention and accidentally caught a bird and ripped its head off before noticing. Fish don't really eat bird, so I put it in the fridge for my dad to cook when he gets home. Man, fish food is for sissies.
P.S.
I really wish that Nora would stop taking my clothes and burning them when I'm not looking. It was funny at first, but now it's just getting old.
Monday, June 23
Wow. I'm posting again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Infinite exclamation points.
Something is definitely wrong because 1) I'm not upset about the fact that I have a therapy session WITH MY MOM since we, apparently, "have issues" 2) I just left two weird comments on Ben's blog and I'm not actually sure why 3) I want to run away and join the circus 4) I'm, as Nora put it, wearing ten tons of make-up, which is weird since I don't wear make-up, and 5) I'm wearing my swimsuit even though I'm not swimming
Obviously aliens are controlling my brain and I'm not yet aware of the fact that my actions and words are not my own.
I really want to start a new blog that is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS but still makes me feel cool. C'est possible? Ist es möglich? (Is it possible?) Look! I (don't) know French/German!
Whoa. I love posting when I'm in a good mood. Like right now. Why am I in a good mood, you (don't) ask? Welllll, Nora took me to the store to get more M&M's! As well as another HUGE bag of cheddar cheese popcorn! Man. There was this creepy guy in front of us in line (by the way, I hate it when strangers try and make conversation with me) who was asking who was going to eat all that popcorn. I was like um, me. He was like yeah right. Then I kicked his ass and shoved his stubby hand right down his throat and watched with pleasure as he bled to death. Wait, that part didn't happen. I just let him disbelieve me. Because I am a wimp.
Okay, good mood slowly leaving...lets make it worse!
Yesterday I bought a swimsuit. Ladies, you know my pain. I'm never going swimming. Ever. Ahhhhh. Nora was picking stuff out for me to try on and I finally walked out of the changing room, hands empty and said "there's nothing like a swimsuit to get your spirits down." But I found one, eventually. Something not particularly modest, but completely acceptable according to today's standards of decency at public swimming pools. I think it's funny that the least amount of material costs the most amount of money.
Man, I want my hair to grow back. At this length, it looks really stupid when it's wet. I mean really stupid. Blegh.
Friday, June 20
Somewhere between "I've reached an obstacle" and "I want to die" there are a few steps in the thought process that I just don't seem to know what are.
P.S.
I ran out of M&M's.
Thursday, June 19
Man. I am slightly less of a failure at being a teenager. Last night I met Arend at McCallum (at like three in the morning) to play The Game of Life. What's really cool is that we only got it set up and then this cop drove by like twice and was looking at us and blah. But the super coolest part was that it turns out that McCallum is two miles away from my house and walking there in flip flops (but actually barefoot because I hate wearing flip flops) is not very smart. I soooo have a blister on my heel and my feet soooo hurt. WOOOO!!!
Today I slept until 1:00 and then Nora woke me up...that jerk!!! So I'm really tired. And I like the night. So later I won't be tired. Lalala...more senseless rambling...I have M&M's...dododododooooo...
Wednesday, June 18
Going to
Last night my dad and sis and I were talking about the future and blah blah blah. Apparently I have a bleak outlook on life! Wooooah! Who knew? So, he was trying to tell me that I have to think like I did when I was five and happy and I was like...um...daddy...no... He also said that since I hate school so much I should just drop out and start working. (Did you know that in Canada you can start stripping at sixteen? HAHAHA!!!) I told him that my goal is to finish high school. Man. I am aiming high. And then I realized that I actually don't care whether I end up a bum or rich. I'm tired of being told that life is short and you shouldn't waste time moping around and feeling sorry for yourself but instead get out there and do what you enjoy. Especially since I am doing what I enjoy. Moping. I don't see why it's a problem for me to feel how I feel!!! Damnit! I'm sorry I have no interests! I'm sorry that I don't want to be a productive member of society! Wow. I just don't care. (I wish I didn't care about people because then it would make telling Mrs Humphrey that I don't want to play french horn anymore a lot easier.)
I dreamed I was a boy and ran away and lived off of pies. It was lovely.
Tuesday, June 17
My condolences to Kate, who lost her fish. That's always sad. (I'm serious.)
I've decided to stop trying to weasel my way out of therapy because it's only two hours a week. Come on, I spend ten hours a day sitting on my ass doing nothing, so I might as well sit on my ass and talk about doing nothing. Haha. Hahahaha. Anyway...
Penelope is the most adorable hamster ever!!! She comes to her door whenever I open it and crawls into my hand and nibbles on my fingernails! Eeeeh! Utter cuteness!!!
Danny rocks my world because he's giving me a CD and free music always makes me happy. (You can't see, but I'm grinning goofily because, hey...music!)
The best thing about summer is that I get to do things!!! The best thing about my therapist is that she told my parents that it's important for me to have social interaction, so I get to do lots more things!!!
P.S.
Palindromes are the best things ever.
Saturday, June 14
Yesterday was Friday the 13th. Read this article. So sad. My daddy used to work there. And knew that guy. And he got a phone call yesterday about the accident. Ickyness. Anyway, Danny and I went to the drag (yesterday) and that was fun except that I realized that I hate the drag. Haha. Ridiculous.
Thursday, June 12
It's weird how I'm always melting while everyone else is exploding.
Last night I dreamed that Mr Snyder was making me present again and so I made a poster in French class that was really really really super good. Then when I got to his class, I realized that it had been so long since I wrote my research paper that I couldn't remember what it was about. I asked Mr Snyder to tell me and he started laughing, so I burst into tears and ran out of the portable. He came after me and was telling me I'd fail the year if I didn't present, so I tackled him and started screaming about how STUPID that was and how much I HATED his class and how RIDICULOUS everyone was being. Then Ms Adamson came out to try and calm me down so I started cussing her out and telling her how much I hated women and school and everything. Then I ran off and hid in the bandhall.
I think that dreams says a lot about my hostility and repressed anger towards school, adults, women, and that damned English class.
On a lighter note, I'm an angry angry angsty angry angsty angry angry teenager with NOTHING TO DO. Grrrrr.
Tuesday, June 10
WOW! I MEAN WOW!!! Guess what I bought today? A BARBIE WATCH! A BARBIE WATCH!!! Oh, and I saw Finding Nemo. That was cute. But a Barbie watch? Nothing can beat that.
Monday, June 9
Oh.My.God. Were I a patron of the visual arts, as well as a talented member of "that crowd," this would be my dream:
So, there's a showing of modern art at some famous museum and I'm standing by the wall, chatting with a snobby collector who's commenting on the low quality of the work this year. Then he asks me what I do and I say "Oh, I dabble in the arts," right before walking away and revealing that the painting I was standing before is my own. The man, of course, is shocked when he reads the name AND is enthralled by its utter genius. Damn him for judging art before even looking at it! I, of course, then sell my priceless painting (or whatever medium it's in) for a ridiculous amount of money, well within hearing range of that asshole.
The coolest thing ever is that there's a scythe hanging by our clothes line outside. I wish my dad would just buy a dryer.
Saturday, June 7
I am sooooo off to my mom's house. Of course, that makes me want to cry, since she no longer has a computer. I'm going to die. So yeah, that's where I'll be if you decide to call me and save me from my boredom. Except that during the week I'll probably come over here during the day. Haha. I'm so ridiculous.
Friday, June 6
By the way, this is why I'm a stupid person:
Last night, around one, I was thinking I should go to bed. But then I decided that I wanted to win ONE game of Minesweeper (on the expert level, of course) before sleeping. Sounds simple enough, right? I mean, come on, I'm good at Minesweeper. But for some reason, my goal made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to win. And as the hours (that's right, hours) drug on, my eyes got heavier and my mistakes got stupider. Well, around six am I finally managed to win a game. IT TOOK ME FIVE UNINTERRUPTED HOURS OF THAT STUPID GAME TO WIN ONCE. And that's why I only slept four hours last night.
P.S.
I'm thinking of changing Sammy's name to Penelope. Thoughts?
For the billion and third time...I LOVE SUMMER.
Anyway, my mom took off from work today so that she and I could hang out. Other than the fact that I only got four hours of sleep last night, it was cool. And, of course, there was something that just made my day today, like there is every day. Yeah, so, we were in the pet store looking at all the cute animals as usual, when she told me that I could have a hamster...if I clean my room today and promise to keep it clean forever. So guess what I'm doing!!! CLEANING!!! Wahoo. Anyway, we bought the hamster and she is the most adorable thing ever ever ever. Her name is Sammy. She lives in a bird cage. She likes to climb. And run on her squeaky little wheel.
Oh man, a joke (which Mike soooo told me)
If Marilyn Monroe were alive, what would she be doing right now?
...Banging on the lid of her coffin.
HAHAHAHA
The end.
Wednesday, June 4
OHMYGOD!!!
Today I saw A Mighty Wind. And I'm seeing it again on Friday. Hm. Hmmmm.
I also went to a girls group therapy thing today. I don't like girls. Any girls. Or guys. Or anyone at all. People annoy me. I annoy me. This is so ridiculous.
"Next time the moon is red you'll know it's blushing because I blew it a kiss." I'm going to miss the hell out of Nora. May she never grow up.
Tuesday, June 3
UGH.
I had this awesome post about how much I love summer and then I accidentally deleted it. But basically it went like this:
SUMMER IS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD. I LOVE SUMMER. I LOVE SUMMER. I LOVE SUMMER. WAHOO!!!!!
(Okay, I had to do the imood thing because being able to say that I'm feeling blasphemous with a ridiculous little smile is something I just can't pass up.)
Monday, June 2
Wow. It's summer. I had a crazy dream last night. I was a man who fought killer robots. I lived at Dulcey's house. Cats were everywhere. They were bad luck. It turned out that I was in a video game. That explained why Dulcey kept trying to kill me. The game was really frustrating. There was no end. At one point I met a beautiful princess. She had green hair. She outlawed music because I couldn’t whistle and slaughtered all the servants in her choir. She made me cut off their heads, and the ones who didn’t want their heads cut off were crushed by a big rock. She turned out to be a killer robot. She shot me with her freaky gun. That's about when I woke up. Maaaaaan. Best dream ever.
Sunday, June 1
Today my sister graduated. Congratulations to her. She was salutatorian. Yay for Nora. Her speech was beautiful. The end.
