Wednesday, July 30
I win.
Dear Lucinda,
You suck.
Sincerely,
Lucinda
In only three days, my perception of everything has collapsed completely, and now I hate the world more than I ever did before. I especially hate myself. It's pretty amazing. I hate myself with a completely unquestioned and passionate faith in that judgment because I am human and humans are inherently evil no matter what. Besides, I'm a horrible person and everything else I could be labeled as. I even suck at sucking at life. The end.
Tuesday, July 29
I am a failure at being a human being because I am a weak weak weak little girl and I can't do anything for more than about twenty minutes without feeling like I'm going to die. Yes. I am a loser.
On the other hand, I rock because I can play my marching band music! No. I'm just more of a loser.
Once upon a time there was a little engine that couldn't. The end.
Monday, July 28
EEEEEP!!!!!!! BAND!!!!!!!!! Someone remind me to eat breakfast every morning so that I don't faint or vomit while marching. But other than my nausea, it was sort of fun. Especially how I get to play a fake instrument instead of a mellophone!!! By fake instrument I mean a shiny new one that uses trumpet fingerings but is in the key of F, which is just ridiculous! So really I feel super cool, and I love my fake instrument. And today was a good day. Yahoo.
Sunday, July 27
Okay, someone guess who my favorite person IN THE WORLD IS (for a grand prize of nothing, since it's pretty obvious) Got it? Do you know? Huh huh huh? Ready??? IT'S NORGA. Oh man. Shocker. Um, yeah, so, aside from the suckiness of the movie, we had a pretty good time. Of course, watching the sunset from the parking lot of some random church was the highlight of the evening. Sunsets always are.
OH YEAH. WHO GETS THE PRIZE FOR BEING THE BEST BLOGGER EVER AND POSTING LIKE ALWAYS? I DO I DO I DO!!!
I'm going to post TWICE today and beat Arend AND Abby at blogging and at life. So yeah, I'd better save some of my super exciting summer for later. But for now, OHMYGODIHAVEAFROG. Allysonnnnnn gave me her froggyyyyy to live in our pond and be happy happy happy forever and ever and ever. But now Norga and I are going to see the best movie ever (Seabiscuit) and I really doubt it will be a good movie at all, but I'm sure I will be inspired and enlightened by the fascinating tale of this horse. Yep. Bye.
P.S.
There are lots of people who won't tell me stories and that makes me sad since I ALWAYS tell stories when asked to.
Saturday, July 26
trucker legend: No one ever updates their blogs.
hairstew27: how evil
trucker legend: Yes, you are.
hairstew27: so are you
hairstew27: sort of
trucker legend: I've updated for the last three days.
hairstew27: yeah
hairstew27: but that's just this week
trucker legend: You lose.
hairstew27: no, i win
hairstew27: always
trucker legend: I update much more frequently than you.
hairstew27: only because i have nothing to say right nowwww
trucker legend: I update much more frequently than most of the people I link to.
hairstew27: i'm going to beat you
hairstew27: i'm going to update ALL THE TIME
hairstew27: AND I WILL WIN
trucker legend: Good luck.
hairstew27: oh, just you wait
hairstew27: sucker
trucker legend: You realize I still win if you update a lot, right?
trucker legend: Because then I get what I want.
hairstew27: yes
hairstew27: but i still win at updating alwayssss
GEEZ. I CAN JUST NEVER GET AHEAD. NEVER EVER EVERRRRR.
There was a dead toad in our pond. It's cool how when toads die they get all bloated and pale. I think the fish killed it. Probably not, though. Yep.
Thursday, July 24
Good afternoon. My name is Big Bear. I live on a bed. It's not a very big bed nor is it particularly comfortable, but at least it's home. I often like to redecorate my bed. In the winter, I paint it with flannel and penguins. Sometimes I have guests over. My best friend and favorite guest is named Bunny Blanket. She's very old and tired but has lots of lovely stories to make up for that. A strange creature often visits me in the night. It's very large and takes up most of my home. Sometimes it even kicks me out only to welcome me back in once the light returns, acting as though nothing has happened, no crime's been committed. Usually it strangles me with its long arms or crushes my superfluous belly with its hefty head. It's gone most of the time, so I don't really mind it. It's kind of nice sometimes, listening to its worried whispers, a telltale sign of a tumultuous dream. Besides, eventually its grip slackens so that I can relax, lying beside it.
Few things are as fascinating as ceiling fans.
Saturday, July 19
Today I had a therapy session with my father. It was a lot of fun. Helen suggested that he and I go on a "date" every now and then so that we stay in touch with each other. Tonight we went to see Johnny English. Yay for Mr Bean. The end.
Wednesday, July 16
HAH! I'm a horrible driver!
Wait, no, I'm not. I just hate driving. Cars=Evil. I wish I wasn't impossibly lazy so that I could just walk everywhere. It makes a lot more sense to hate things you don't use. Uh. Yeah.
Proof that I am a lame teenager: driving doesn't excite or interest me at all.
It's amazing how I have NOTHING TO SAY and am INCREDIBLY BORING and HATE EVERYTHING.
Saturday, July 12
1) Danny's a good guy
2) Three cheers for totally awesome Fridays!*
3) It's funny how I'm a total bitch
*Totally awesome Friday must include going to the lake with Kathryn, Nora, Mike, Rachel and Read and getting a wretched sunburn because you're too cool for sunscreen; also must include going to see Pirates of the Caribbean with Kathryn and Nora.
Thursday, July 10
I JUST SHOT MY MOTHER.
Why do people read my blog and miss the truly important things? For example, from what I posted on Saturday, you should have read that and immediately forgotten EVERYTHING except the totally awesome fact that Dallas backwards is salad with two 'L's!!!!!!! Jerks.
P.S.
I'm sorry that I'm a failure at everything but being a horrible person.
Wednesday, July 9
Lets talk about what I hate. And in case it wasn't clear, this is one of those moments where I talk and you just listen. I'm going to make a list. Lists are organized and organization is good. Yes.
Things I hate:
-Calling people
-My mother
-Probably my father, too
-Therapy
-Doctors
-Hospitals
-Nurses
-Medication
-Shots
-Dentists
-Orthodontists
-Anyone else who gets paid to "help people"
-The world
-Any other worlds
-The universe
-Anyone who has contributed to my existence
-Life
-Living
-The fact that I'm alive
-Doing things
-Doing things ever at all
-Decisions
-Being forced to make decisions
-My mother, still
-Anyone thinner than I am
-Anyone whose hair is longer than mine
-Anyone who is or does anything at all better than me
-Women
-
-Most foods
-Eating
-The fact that I have to eat to live which I don't even want to do
-Hunger
-Being full
-Being empty
-Feeling anything but numb
-Hangnails
-Shaving
-Running
-Band
-Marching band
-All music
-Pets that don't live forever
-Anything that doesn't exist forever
-Ideas
-Talking
-English
-French, too
-All communication
-Markers that get on my hands
-Bathing
-Brushing my teeth
-Listening to people chew
-Penelope's squeaky wheel that always gets squeaky again like an hour after I oil it
-Oiling anything
-Cooking
-Cleaning
-My room
-Sleeping
-Being awake
-Stereotypes
-People that think stereotypes are bad
-People that think anything contrary to what I think
-People that agree with everything I say
-People that think they're different
-People that think they're cool
-People that are arrogant
-People that are human
-Animals that like humans
-Boats
-Airplanes
-Cars
-Driving
-Pavement
-Stickers (in the grass)
-Gabi
-Steffany
-Common names
-Uncommon names
-The name Lucinda
-Nicknames
-Especially Lucy
-I really hate Lucy
-More of my mom
-And my dad
-Work
-School
-Homework
-Pencils
-Pens
-Computers
-Books
-Libraries
-Bookstores
-Calendars
-Old calendars
-The fact that I have a calendar on my wall from 2001
-The fact that every Christmas I get three new calendars and I can't find ANY of them
-Whoever made me angry enough to make this ridiculous list
-Oh, yeah, that's my mom
-When Helen gets frustrated with me for saying everything is ridiculous
-How often I say things are ridiculous
-Earrings
-Mondays
-Weekends
-Elbows
-Knees
-Hair
-My vision
-And hearing
-Tasting things
-MY MOTHER
-Scissors
-Grass stains
-Shopping
-Clothes
-My lack of clothes
-Light
-The sun
-Clouds when they block the stars
-Clouds when they don't block the sun
-Astrology
-Any other crap like that
-Books that make my dad say things like "Your nearsightedness reflects an inner problem. You don't need glasses!"
-Whoever wrote those books
-My dad for reading them
-People who don't write letters
-People who owe me money
-People who I owe money
-My mom a lot more
-Bitter old women
-The fact that I'm fifteen and act like a bitter old women
-When Nora says I'm "angsty"
-The fact that I am angsty which is the stupidest thing ever
-Doing anything excepting laughing
-Laughing when things aren't funny
-How people mistake my ridiculousness for angst
-When people take me seriously
-When people don't believe me when I'm being perfectly serious
-When people can't tell I'm being sarcastic
-When people correct me
-MMMYYY MMMOOOTTTHHHEEERRR
-Myself
-You
-This list
Dulcey told me to post.
Um.
So, it's Tuesday...er, Wednesday... I'm going to a movie today. Two, actually. Because, lets face it, I am just that popular. HAHAHA. Er. Yeah. Going to a movie with your sister doesn't count, I guess. But one with Danny does. Wooo! Anyway, um, the cat threw up on the car. Good thing I don't have to clean it up. Oh, I got my learner's permit today. My mom was really mad when we got there and realized that we had Nora's birth certificate and not mine. I, however, laughed a lot. Er, I made a 95 on the test. I missed a question about some maximum fine for some crime. But that's all. So I rock.
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Wow I'm boring. Goodnight. Or something.
Heh. Wait. I dreamed that Holly, Nora, Patrick and I took over a bus on a band trip and made everyone sit up at the front while we got drunk in the back. It was really ridiculous. Like all my dreams. Because I am a ridiculous person. Oh, and, just for Brian, since I love to make him mad, I think God hates me.
Mr Owens moment: When I used "whom" (correctly, mind you) he congratulated me, saying he gets tired of hearing kids use it wrong. Good times.
Saturday, July 5
OHMYGODICAN'TBELIEVEIHAVEN'TPOSTEDINLIKEAWEEK!!!!!!
My evil father banned me from the computer on Monday night. HSDAG;LKSHGKLSAHGSDLIGJASDLJGLWEGAWDHGJKWE. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM. Anyway, I'm only here because he isn't home and I walked here from my mom's house in one last desperate attempt to escape the boredom. I don't think that the internet is as exciting as I remember it being. What a waste of a fairly good relationship with my favorite parent. Er. Not favorite. I don't play favorites. Or something.
So. News. This is what has happened in my five days without the computer:
I have slept for a grand total of about three days.
I have gone to Mike's house.
I have enjoyed SUPER FUN EXCITING HELPFUL REVEALING therapy…twice.
I have watched a disgusting amount of TV.
I have wandered in hopes of finding myself or the answer or the question or SOMETHING TO END THE BOREDOM.
I have had strange dreams (last night I dreamed I inherited ridiculous amounts of marijuana from my great uncle)
I have died. Seventeen times. God is still mad at me and won't let me go to heaven OR hell. Asshole. WHY MUST I LIVE?!?!?!
P.S.
I'm eating my cat.
P.P.S.
Dallas backwards is salad with two 'L's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.P.P.S.
Bye John. You made my BL(no)Ts like no other. Good luck in South Carolina. Marry a hottt babe and have lots of fun while you're still young.
